


Raising Twins: Having That Talk.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels), valuna



Series: Establishment Futurefic [1]
Category: British Actor RPF, Dracula 2000 RPF, The Establishment (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Kidfic, M/M, The Establishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-09
Updated: 2004-12-09
Packaged: 2017-10-07 17:58:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/67705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels, https://archiveofourown.org/users/valuna/pseuds/valuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Establishment futurefic, set in fall of 2015.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Raising Twins: Having That Talk.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Trying to explain sex to 9-year-olds.
> 
> Disclaimer: It's all fiction. Not real, never happened. Has nothing to do with the real actors involved.
> 
> Notes: This is future!fic, set in the fall of 2015. In November 2005, Jonny Lee Miller and Gerard Butler will become the parents, through surrogate mother Julie Butler (Ger's sister), of twin boys, Simon James Miller Butler and Sean Jonathan Miller Butler. They go by Simon and Sean, and biologically they're Jonny's sons and Ger's nephews, but they call Jonny Da and Ger Daddy. This is the first of the future!fics we've written with the boys and their fathers.

Jonny Lee's working on dinner when the boys come in the door, the driver having brought them from Latymer. He turns and laughs at seeing Sean, uniform rumpled again, the dark jacket half off his shoulders, tie undone and shirt pulled out.

"You might wait till you get home to start stripping, luv," he says, walking over to greet his nearly 10-year-old twins. Simon's a few steps behind Sean.

"Hi, Da," Sean says, coming in for a hug. He's always been the more affectionate of the two, but Jonny Lee had been under the impression he'd outgrown hugs. Then he looks up and sees Simon, just as rumpled, which is totally out of character, and with a nasty bruise on his cheek. Well, that explains the hugging.

"Which of you wants to tell me what happened?" Jonny Lee wraps his arm around Sean's shoulder and holds out a hand to Simon. "C'mere."

Simon shuffles across the kitchen floor, head down. "Got into a fight," he mutters.

"Yeah, Da," Sean says, voice sounding all proud of his brother. "Simon got Jordan good before he got in the right-cross and popped his jaw.

"Jordan. As in Traviss?" Jonny Lee asks. Both the boys nod. Their father sighs. Jordan Traviss, son of Denise and Richard, longtime friends. He's a year older than the boys, and not the most level-headed thing on the planet. "What'd he do?"

The boys go quiet, looking at each other with those _you tell him_ nods. Jonny Lee waits, knowing they'll eventually decide which one gets to break the news. He gives both a quick snug and steps back. "When you're ready, just let me know. Thought I'd do chicken for dinner. Ready about 6, when your father gets home. If you want to wait till then to tell us together, that's fine. You know he's going to ask."

"Yeah," Simon sighs. "He's going to ask." He looks across at his twin. "You tell. I'll tell Daddy later."

"Why?" Sean shakes his head. "You'll tell different, I know. Then they get on us 'bout playing them. You already got a black eye, Simon. Want a spanking, too?"

Jonny Lee tries not to eavesdrop on his sons' whisperings. He's learned over the years, though, that it pays to know what they're planning. He opens the stove and pulls out the casserole dish, poking at the chicken with a fork.

Simon snorts. "It's an idle threat. They never have and they're never gonna. Heard Daddy say once, to Uncle Peter." He pokes Sean in the arm. "An' I promise, I won't tell it differently. I'll parrot everything you say. I'm just out of good excuses right now."

"Well, you shouldn't've let Jordan get you pissed off like that. I mean, he's a twit, Simon, and as much a bastard as you are."

This time it's a shove instead of a poke. "I'm not a bastard. Take that back."

"Are, too." Sean shoves back, harder. "S'not an insult, bro."

"Is when he said it like that."

Jonny Lee turns around at the raised voices. "Are you two sure you don't want to go ahead and tell me what happened. I maybe can smooth the way with your dad."

Simon looks up at him suspiciously. "You're not going to be mad, Da?"

"Mad because you got into a fight? Not really, but don't tell your father that." Jonny Lee smiles. There's a strange bond he has with his sons, like they're on the same level at times. "From what I'm hearing, Jordan called you a bastard. Would that be right?"

"Uh, partially." Simon sticks his hands in his pockets and looks down. "There was also the part where I said that it takes one to know one."

Jonny Lee barely stifles the laugh. Not good parenting skills to agree with your son his playmate's a bastard.

"So you hit each other."

"Da, it was brill. Simon used all the moves Uncle Eric showed us," Sean adds.

"Uh huh." Simon points to his black eye. "You should see him, Da. Much worse than me."

"I suppose I'll hear from his parents later tonight." Jonny Lee wipes away the last of the grime from Simon's face. "Tell me at least it didn't happen on school property."

"Course not, Da," Sean says. "It was while we were waiting at the museum for the driver."

Simon nods. "We know much better than to do it in school, Da. Learned that lesson good and proper."

"Both of you, upstairs now. Clean up, get into sweats, start your homework." Jonny Lee ruffles Sean's hair. "You have a project due Friday."

_Getting off easy?_ Simon shares a look with Sean, who shakes his head. This is definitely not over yet. "Yes, da," they say, and then run upstairs before Jonny Lee can change his mind.

Jonny Lee's betting the boys are debating whether they'll get off easy or not. They're not going to. He'll talk with Gerard when he gets in and the Master can discipline the children. Jonny Lee can't do it for shite. So he goes back to finishing off the coq au vin with new potatoes and salad they're having for dinner.

Gerard pulls into the driveway and checks the time before he turns the car off. 5:10. Only a few minutes later than he told Jonny Lee. He grabs the keys out of the ignition and hurries over to the door to avoid the growing cold. He loves getting home before the sun's finished setting. It makes him feel like he's not a complete failure as a father.

He opens the door quickly and then tosses his keys onto the couch. _Honey, I'm home._

It's fighting instinct not to run to the door, drop to his knees and act the proper slave attending to Master's needs. One of the changes Jonny Lee's grown used to with the boys being in the house. Instead, he waits in the kitchen, knowing Gerard will head here first, since it's become over the years their family-acceptable ritual. He snags a bottle of mineral water from the refrigerator, opens it and sets it on the island counter.

Gerard misses having his boy kneeling by his feet when he walks in, ready to take his coat. He shrugs it off and hangs it up in the closet. He can hear Jonny Lee in the kitchen, dinner smells good, and the twins aren't to be seen, so Gerard doesn't hesitate from wrapping his arms around Jonny Lee from behind. "Guess who."

"Uh," Jonny Lee says, closing his eyes, "tall, dark and sexy beyond belief? You best be quick. Master'll be home any minute."

Gerard chuckles. "I was hoping for a sorry, mate, I'm taken, but that answer's good as well." He turns Jonny Lee around in his arms. "You forgot to give me something this morning."

"What was that?" Jonny Lee's grinning as Gerard spins him. "You got your morning blow, and I washed your back in the shower."

"Yeah, but I didn't get my morning kiss." Gerard does so love to do this. He tips Jonny Lee back a little and kisses him firmly, tongue exploring Jonny Lee's mouth. Mmm. This was worth screaming on the phone with his agent for a half hour.

"Oh, fuck, yes." The words slide out around Gerard's mouth before the tongue begins its assault. Then it's nothing but guttural moans as Jonny Lee slides his hands around his husband's waist, tugging the shirt from the pants' edge, fingers desperately seeking flesh. They've got time. The boys won't come down till they're called. They don't want to risk any more severe punishment than they're going to get.

Gerard fists Jonny Lee's shirt and tugs him closer. When he thinks he might have enough, he breaks it. "Christ, that's good," he murmurs. "Even if you had remembered, I still would have done that."

Jonny Lee's gasping for a breath when Gerard pulls back. "Good. I'll forget more often." He takes in a few slow, deep breaths. "Missed you today. How'd it go?"

"Would you still love me if my hair was cut into a crew-cut and died blonde?"

The question gives Jonny Lee pause. He's going to assume Gerard's talking about a role, and not some whim he has. "Would never stop loving you, Pire," he says, "uh, but blonde? Seriously?"

"Yeah, blonde." Gerard grimaces. "And they're going to cut it so that it looks wispy and thin. But, on the up side, I won't be in any scenes without a twelve year old boy, so I'll be keeping child-labour hours."

"Wispy and thin." Jonny Lee whimpers, and not in a very good way. "Master, what are you filming?" He sighs. "I like the hours. And the boys will adore having you here."

"Not too sure yet. They're still hammering out the script." Gerard frowns. "It's going to be a bad movie, Teak. I got them to agree to give me all the money up front and not insist on a percentage of the box office. But it's filming entirely on a soundstage and it's normal hours."

"Okay, I'm confused. You're intentionally doing a bad movie?"

Gerard shrugs. "It's being funded by Disney, so at least I can say that I did something the boys can watch. And it's not a big part, so it's a month of easy filming before I need to go to LA."

"You've got to go to LA?" Jonny Lee sighs deeper. "How long?"

"Thought we went over this." Gerard looks down. "At least a week and a half. Doing all the shows and I need to put in an appearance at the New York and LA premieres. Still up to coming with me to the London one?"

"Forgot it was this soon. That's fine. And, yes, coming with you to the premiere here." Jonny Lee smiles, kisses Gerard's cheek. "S'alright. We'll be wonderful, and the boys get such a thrill out of watching Daddy on TV. Still at that 'you're special' stage."

"Love that stage." Gerard smiles. "Maybe we should bring them with. Get them dressed up and tell them that they better be on their best behaviour."

"To the premiere? They've never been to one. It would be a nice birthday prezzie for them. It'll be 'bout the time." Jonny Lee steps back, grabs the bottle of water and presses it into Gerard's hand. "Film suitable for precocious soon-to-be 10-year-olds?"

"Probably not," Gerard admits, then takes a swing of the water. "The Americans are giving it an R, but the only thing bad about it is the language. There isn't any more nudity than they'd see when they look in the mirror."

"Hmmm, haven't done that in a while," Jonny Lee murmurs. "Think after the boys are down, wee hours and such, we could indulge ourselves in a bit of mirror time."

"We could," Gerard offers. He strokes his fingers up Jonny Lee's arm and smiles. "Or we could call a babysitter this weekend and I could take my pretty slut down to the club and show off just how well-trained my pet is."

Jonny Lee shivers. "Christ, yes." He thinks, processing quickly. "I'm sure we could parcel 'em out to one of their uncles for the weekend, Master." He's hard with the thought of being shown off at the club, and that's going to make dinner and the subsequent conversations more difficult.

"Good boy. Then that's what we'll do." Gerard pinches the inside of Jonny Lee's elbow. "And how did my pretty slave spend his day?"

There's an involuntary jerk, wince at the unexpected pain. "Grocery shopping, cleaning house, managed to get a bit of writing in before starting dinner and," Jonny Lee looks down at the red spot forming where Gerard's pinched. "Nice. Looks almost as good as Simon's eye."

That doesn't sound so bad. Shopping, cleaning, writing. Gerard loves that Jonny Lee writes. And then that last... "_What?_"

"Black eye." Jonny Lee smiles, even though the subject's not humourous. "He got into a fight with Jordan Traviss after school. Seems Jordan called him a bastard."

If that just doesn't kill a mood... Gerard pulls back and leans against the counter. "Anything more than that? Just insults that got too far?" He frowns. "And where was Sean while his brother was in a fight?"

"From what I can gather, cheering him on. Sean's quite proud Simon got in a few blows before Jordan connected." Jonny Lee turns to the stove for a moment, cutting the heat down, and then turns back around. "They're upstairs. Told 'em to start their homework. Figured we could do the discipline thing after dinner," he says, "if it's alright with Master."

"Fine with me." Gerard sighs. Considering his own past, he's never felt like he's had the moral high ground to punish the boys for fighting. Giving them warning stories about partying, yes. Telling them that fighting won't solve things, no. "You ever get the feeling that we never outgrow the need to punch someone, but we just translate it into suing for slander?"

Jonny Lee laughs. "Uh, yeah." He cocks his head. "We need to sue anybody?" He can't think of anything that'd be said about that isn't known by most people by now, and none of it's hurt them over the years.

"Don't think so." Gerard shrugs. "But you never know. Tomorrow's another day."

"And we'll deal with it then." Jonny Lee leans forward, steals a quick kiss. "Go get the boys for dinner, luv. It'll be ready in about 10."

"Yes, sir." Gerard gives Jonny Lee a grope in return and then heads on upstairs, making a lot of noise as he goes to give Sean and Simon a chance to stop whatever they're doing and hurriedly get changed.

*~*~*~*~*~

Simon and Sean are in their room, but they haven't gotten around to doing their homework. They're sitting in their sweats on Sean's bed. "C'mon, Simon, that's Daddy," Sean says at the obvious noise. "Give me."

"No." Simon tugs the anime cards back. "You lost 'em. Shouldn't've let your psionic demon attack my mythical warrior."

"Yeah, but it seemed like a good idea at the time." Sean makes another swipe for them. "Gimme."

Yeah, well, it wasn't, was it?" Simon taunts, stuffing the cards back into their box. "And you're not getting 'em back." He scoots back on the bed, away from his brother.

"Says you." Sean sticks his tongue out. "I'll just steal 'em back when you're sleeping."

"No you won't. I'll cuff you to the bed till morning." Simon shoves his card box under his sweatshirt. "And tell Da not to unlock you."

"Da won't listen to you." Sean jumps on top of him and tries to get the box. "Never does. Now give over. It's not fair."

"Da will, too." Simon shoves Sean, trying to push him off the bed. "Just 'cause you're his favorite doesn't mean anything."

"Yes, because you have Daddy wrapped around you finger." Sean shoves back. "C'mon, Simon. I'll give you those new cheat codes I've been keeping from you."

Simon smirks. "Already got 'em. Snagged outta your secret hiding place, Sean, so no trade."

"How do you know that I didn't just put fake ones there 'cuz I knew you'd steal them?"

" 'Cause I gave 'em to Da and he tested 'em." Simon scrambles off the bed and dashes for his side of the room. "If they were bogus, Da'd've had your brains, bro."

Gerard thinks he's paced the hallway enough times to give the boys enough warning. He knocks hard on the door twice. "Dinner."

Sean starts to go after Simon, but his father's voice at the door interrupts him. "Payback, bro, just remember." He crawls off the bed, straightening his sweats and opening the door. "Hi, Daddy."

Simon's rushing up behind him. "Yeah, like you're gonna." He's not looking up quite as much, still a bit leery of showing off the black eye. "Dinner's ready, Dad?"

"Your father gave me ten minutes." Gerard makes a big movement of checking his watch. "But that's probably been whittled down to eight by now." Gerard smiles. "Let me see the eye, Simon."

Simon steps out from behind Sean, looks up, eye only partially opened, the black ring well down onto his cheek. "S'not so bad, Daddy."

"Yeah, Jordan looks worse," Sean adds, leaning against the door. "Da didn't seem _too_ upset with us."

Yeah, it's not _that_ bad. But Gerard isn't buying it. "He has a way of not looking too upset while he really is." And the boys can't think that they're going to get away with this. "What happened?"

"Jordan called me a bastard, sir." Simon looks down again. He's so like his father when he's being reprimanded, not defiant like Sean. "I hit him, and he hit me."

Gerard sighs. "I can't say that it wasn't justified...but you shouldn't have done it, Simon."

"I know, sir." Simon shuffles, backs into Sean.

"Jordan was asking for it, Daddy," Sean says. "He's been a twit all semester with Simon, picking on him and Simon was just getting back at him."

"Did you try ignoring it?" Gerard isn't going to ask why they didn't tell him. He wouldn't have told his parents about something like this. He would have wanted to settle it for himself. And Simon appears the same, though Gerard doubts that this matter is anywhere close to settled.

Simon nods. Sean nudges him. "G'head, tell him, Simon. Jordan's been a bastard, Daddy, cheatin' off his papers, picking on him in gym class."

Gerard gives his sons the kind of look that makes Jonny Lee freeze. "Go on."

Simon swallows, then mumbles and mutters before he gets the words out. "I don't like him, Daddy, and when he calls me names, I mostly just take it, but today I couldn't. Not anymore."

_Why didn't he tell me?_ "Why didn't you tell me, Simon? I could have..." Gerard shakes his head. "I don't know. I could have done something."

It's Sean who supplies the answer. "That'd be tattling, Daddy, and we can't do that."

Gerard frowns. "Yes, you can. If it's something that's bothering you, you need to tell me or Jonny. If you don't tell us, we can't do anything about it."

"You or?" Simon starts, looking at his brother. It's always weird to hear one of their fathers refer to the other by his given name.

"Yes, sir, tell you or Da," Sean says. "We understand."

Simon's still shuffling, and looking down again. "Am I gonna get punished?"

Gerard hopes they understand. "Yeah," he says. He's sorry, but Simon was fighting. "You boys ready to come downstairs now?"

"Yes, sir," the boys say in unison, both sighing at the end. They know when they merit punishment, and even if it's only Simon getting it, Sean's going to hurt.

"Great." Gerard says. "Washed your hands?"

"No, sir." Again in unison. "We will."

"Go do that." Gerard says. "And then come downstairs."

*~*~*~*~*~

Jonny Lee's setting the table when Gerard walks back into the kitchen. They eat like this, around the kitchen table, unless there's company. It's easier for the boys to not have to worry about abusing the dining room floor. "You're missing a couple bodies," he says, filling the glasses with water and milk. "Didn't kill our sons, did you?"

"Hope you don't mind. Dumped their bodies in the river." Gerard pats Jonny Lee's arse on the way to the counter to get the napkins. "It'll probably be easier in the long run. No university fees to pay, no weddings to plan for. What do you think?"

"No university fees sounds good, but I so looking forward to being mother of the groom." Jonny Lee smirks, turns and takes the casserole dish from the stovetop to the table. "You get the whole story out of 'em?"

Gerard frowns as he lays the napkins out. "Yeah, I did. Don't like it, Teak. And I don't want to have to punish them."

The words take Jonny Lee by surprise. Usually he's the one begging off punishing the boys. "Why? What gives?" He leans in, steals a quick kiss on the way back to the counter to retrieve the salad.

"The lad was just asking for it, love. They had every right to do what they did." Gerard opens the refrigerator and rummages around before pulling out the salad dressing. "And I don't want to tell them that they can't, you know, defend themselves."

"Jordan's a bit of a bastard, always has been. Takes after his mother." Jonny Lee looks at the table. "Okay, what am I forgetting?"

Gerard gives the table a quick look. "Knives." He turns around and gets four from the drawer. "Think we can brush it off? Do something else?" He shrugs. "Can't think of what, but you're smart. Tell me what to do."

"Hmm. Take away their video games for 48 hours. That's sheer torture." Jonny Lee hears the decided rush of 9-year-old feet coming through the living room. "Starting right after dinner, Pire."

"We could have the sex talk," Gerard gets out right before the twins skid into the room.

"We could," Jonny Lee says. He turns. "Places, boys. Hands clean?"

Simon and Sean give identical smiles and hold their hands up. "Yes, Da."

"Good, then. Sit down, then." Jonny Lee serves up the chicken and salad before taking his own seat. A decade of training and he fights the urge to go to his knees to serve Gerard. Would most likely freak the boys too much. "Your father and I've decided on your punishment." He glances over at Gerard. "Right, Pire?"

"Right." And after almost a decade with the twins, Gerard still, in a part of his mind, expects Jonny Lee to go to his knees. And he's always a little disappointed that Jonny Lee doesn't. "You boys get to listen to us talk about sex." _This is going to hurt me much more than it's going to hurt you._

"Sex." It's in unison again.

Jonny Lee laughs at how the boys work in tandem at times. "Yes. Sex."

"C'mon, Da, not that." Simon scrunches his face up. "It's all about girls and icky stuff."

Gerard coughs. "Occasionally it's about guys. Or sometimes both..." He coughs harder. "Pass the salad, please."

"Of course it is," Sean says, sliding the salad bowl across the table to his father. "Like you and Da, and all our uncles. And Auntie CA. She's 'bout the only girl you all know."

"Yeah, I like Liv and Will's mum. She's neat. Not as cool as their Dad," Simon says, stuffing his face with chicken, chewing through the words. "He rocks, just like Da."

Jonny Lee reaches over and lightly grabs Simon's wrist. "One bite at a time, and no talking."

"But it's a compliment," Simon protests. "I love chicken." He looks over at Gerard. "Just promise, no diagrams?"

"The thought did come to mind," Gerard says. "And don't chew with your mouth open."

"I want diagrams," Sean says. "Lots of 'em."

Jonny Lee shakes his head, looks helplessly at Gerard. "You're sure you want to do this? We couldn't just call up an Internet site and let 'em at it?"

"Rite of passage, love." Gerard smiles. "Pain we all put ourselves through with the knowledge that, someday, maybe, they'll have to do the same." He pauses. "Like toilet training."

"Do you _have_ to discuss that at the table, Daddy? Bad enough you embarrass us with stories in public," Simon says, always the more demure of the two. He goes back to forking his salad, eating smaller bites and not talking during them.

Jonny Lee cuts his chicken and takes a bite, his first since sitting down, trying to referee the table conversation. "Not the kind of pain I prefer," he murmurs into the second bite.

"Heard that," Gerard mutters. "And of course it's at the table. Otherwise there would be the awkwardness of what to do with our hands."

Jonny Lee looks up, grins. "Know you did," he says, mouthing the silent _Master_. "Boys, c'mon, eat up. We'll postpone any more talking till after dinner, in the living room."

"_Thank you,_" Simon says.

"Spoilsport." Gerard munches on his salad a little more before starting on the chicken.

Jonny Lee sticks his tongue out, quick dart of pink. The meal continues in silence, or near-silence, with the occasional comment about cheat codes and cards and some fight Jonny Lee hasn't tapped into yet, and then the boys are finishing, their chicken half-eaten, salads picked through for the fun stuff.

"Can we be excused?" Sean asks.

"Need to finish up homework, Daddy," Simon adds.

"No, you can't be excused." Gerard forks the last bit of chicken and pops it in his mouth. "We're going to have an awkward talk, and then you're never going to get into another fight at school. Right, boys?"

"Yes, sir," Simon says, slowly followed by Sean's muttering the same.

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee says, keeping a straight face as he stands up to clear the table.

He's going to swat Jonny Lee for that. Later. "Don't you start," he says. "If you humour me, then I'm going to have to humour you, and then who's going to embarrass our sons?"

"Boys, clear your dishes, please," Jonny Lee says, walking around the table to stand behind Gerard. He leans down as Sean and Simon move toward the sink. "Yes, Master," he whispers, "your boy will be happy to take his punishment later, after the children are in bed."

Gerard rests his head on Jonny Lee's shoulder and whispers in his ear, "If you make me hard right now, slave, I'm just going to thwart your evil plans by losing it immediately at the thought of explaining the slots and the tabs to nine year old boys."

Jonny Lee tries not to laugh at the notion of slots and tabs, but he can't. "You think your slave's not already hard, Master? Has been since you fuckin' got home."

"I know." Gerard smirks and almost dares to grind his knee into Jonny Lee's groin. "But that's my slave's fault. Tomorrow I'll have him in chastity and we won't have to worry about it."

The laughs slips out, along with a kiss to Gerard's cheek. "Exactly why your slave loves you, Master, even after all these years." He glances up to see Simon and Sean staring at them.

"They're doing it again," Sean says, rolling his eyes.

"And they're whispering," Simon adds. "Must be the good stuff."

"Absolutely none of your business," Gerard tells them airily, and then discreetly gropes Jonny Lee's arse.

The grope causes a jump and there's a decided squeak to Jonny Lee's voice. "Go on into the living room, boys. Your father and I'll be there in a moment," he says, "after we find the charts and diagrams."

"And the embarrassing, clinical photos," Gerard adds. "Now shoo."

"Yes, Da." Simon smiles and exchanges a glance with Sean. "We'll wait while you and Daddy procrastinate."

Sean snickers, then high-fives his brother as they turn to walk out of the room. "Good one, Simon. We know what they're gonna do."

Jonny Lee shakes his head as his sons leave. "Tell me again why we have them?"

"Because we're weak-willed and stupid." Gerard shrugs. "Why are we waiting in here? Letting the anticipation build?"

"Something like that. Plus, your husband wants a really good snog before he walks in there and explains the facts of life with a straight face."

"Those about to die...," Gerard smiles. "C'mere, you. Master wants a kiss."

Jonny Lee curls himself into Gerard's lap, arms around his husband's neck. "Your slave likes that idea. A lot."

"Oh?" Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's nose. "Well, I like you. A lot."

"Your husband's pretty partial to the idea, too." Jonny Lee likes the game, soft kisses and random touches.

"My husband likes himself?" Gerard teases. "Maybe later he can show me just how well he likes himself, in front of that promised mirror."

"Silly master," Jonny Lee says, smirking. "Not a bad idea. Mirror. That seals it. Pertwee's taking the boys for the weekend. No questions. He owes me."

"I adore your friends." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's cheek. "We're going to have so much fun with that mirror, slut."

"As much fun as we're going to have explaining sex to the boys?" Jonny Lee wriggles, kisses Gerard's neck.

Gerard groans. "You _really_ know how to break a mood." He pulls back. "Let's get that over with."

Jonny Lee sighs, drags himself off Gerard and stands. "You sure I can't just go over to Jude and Ewan's for a few hours, play a couple games," he says, moving slowly away from the table, "come back when you're finished?"

"You sure you don't want to see me turn several shades of red as I attempt to say mastur..." Gerard looks at everything but Jonny Lee. "Mastur...fuck. Teak, can _I_ go over to Jude and Ewan's while you talk to them?"

Reaching back, Jonny Lee takes his husband's hand, laughing. "C'mon, you, it's not like we're going to show how to mastur---, uh, do it. We're just talking." He shakes his head. "Christ, it shouldn't be this hard."

"It really shouldn't." Gerard sighs. "Think there's a place I can make an emergency call to and they can bring over an educational plastic prick? There's no way I'm letting them know we have toys."

"Oh, great, now I have _that_ visual in my head. Wonderful." Jonny Lee tugs Gerard into the living room. Simon and Sean are sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, Sean doodling on a notepad and Simon with his nose in a book.

Sean looks up, nudges Simon. "They're finished with the snogging, bro. Time for the talk."

Folding the book and setting it on the table, Simon crosses his legs and tucks himself back against the hearth next to Sean. "They snog a lot. All parents do that?"

"Think so," Sean says. "Will and Livvie's parents do. All three of 'em."

"Maybe it's one of those gay things," Simon says. "No one at school ever mentions their parents snogging."

Jonny Lee laughs, his mood eased by his sons' banter. "Snogging's not really something we talk about in public, boys." He affects a snooty uppercrust accent. "Remember, you're British. We don't _have_ public displays."

Gerard nods and affects the exact same accent. "No sex, _please_. We're British. Sex is for those uncouth Americans."

Sean laughs first, then Simon, until the boys are both silly. "Da, you and Daddy are funny when you do that," Simon says, "just like the TV."

"Oh, Lord, no," Gerard moans theatrically. "Save us from tweed."

Jonny Lee looks over at Gerard, a slow turning look. "Tell me again why I married you?" He's grinning, nudges Gerard's shoulder. "C'mon, where do we start? Birds and bees?"

"They can't do it together, Da," Sean says. "Learned that much in school. That's --" He looks at Simon.

"Interspecies," Simon offers.

"You married me because you had taken a brief leave of your senses." Gerard grins. "You then remedied it by, well, doing it again. Now," he says, sitting down on the couch. "Interspecies animals can have sex. Just look at mules."

"Ewww, mules," Simon says. "That's just weird, Daddy."

"Oh, now I recall. Longest bout of temporary insanity on record. Still having it." Jonny Lee settles himself on the couch beside Gerard. "Your father's right, Simon, and it's not weird. It's just different."

"It's weird different," Simon says. "Do donkeys really want to do that with horses?"

Gerard shares a look with Jonny Lee. "Different things have different tastes," he says seriously. "That's one of the wonderful things about the world."

"Like you and Da. You're different," Sean says. "Uh, not weird different. Just that you're gay and married and," he goes quiet with that 9-year-old feigned innocence.

"Yes, we're different," Jonny Lee says, looking at his son, shaking his head. "What is it you're not saying, Sean?"

"He's being Sean, Da. Just ignore him." Simon punches his brother's shoulder, gives him a look like _it's a twin secret, so don't tell_. "We love you and Daddy just the different you are."

Jonny Lee knows there's something more there, but he's learned over the years when and when not to push his sons for information. One of 'em will break down soon enough and spill. "I'm glad, Simon. Your father and I love you, too, with all your differences."

Gerard isn't sure how to take that, but he'll take Jonny Lee's cues on when to let it go. "And no matter what your differences are. We love you for each and every one of them."

"We know _that_, Daddy," Sean says, rubbing his arm where Simon hit him. He glares at his brother. "Thought we were talking about sex."

"Annoying creatures," Jonny Lee says, turning to Gerard, grinning, "don't ever let you change the subject once you start. Explain differences? Or more facts of life?"

"Let's just go right to the facts of life." Best get this over with. "Boys, when two or more people feel that special something..." Oh, Lord. He won't be able to do this with a straight face.

"Yes, Daddy?" Simon puts on his innocent look, while hitting Sean behind his back. "What happens when two or more people that special something?"

"They, um," _jump each other's bones_. "They...Jonny?"

Jonny Lee gives Gerard a look nearly as nasty as the one Sean gave Simon. "They shag," he says. Simple word. Works. "They snog, too. Sometimes they fall in love." _Sometimes they beg on their knees to be beaten till they can't move._ "Sex is what they do. It's natural, and nothing wrong with it, long as you're safe, sane and consensual."

"Safe, sane and consensual," Sean repeats, his tongue tripping over the last word. "Gotta be all three to shag?"

Gerard gives Jonny Lee a look nearly as innocent as the one Simon gave him. "_Yes._ Don't do anything unless it's all three." He coughs. "Skipping straight to sane...you know how to use a condom?"

Jonny Lee _really_ wishes he'd gone over to visit Jude. It'd be a lot less painful.

"No," the boys say in unison, looking at one another. "What's that?"

Ah. Phew. Definitions he can do. "A condom is a barrier, usually latex, that goes on the p-p-penis," _You can do this, Butler._ "It prevents disease. It's, uh, copulation without touching."

"That was good, Ger." Jonny Lee leans over, kisses his husband on the cheek. "Now explain to them they're not actually going to use this for another 10 years."

"Daddy, do we really have to know this?" Simon asks, face contorting into a frown. "Don't even like girls."

"It's, uh, useful with boys as well. But your father is right. You aren't using this for ten years." He leans in close. "But if you do, I'll tell you where we keep them."

Sean leans in to his father, just as conspiratorially. "Okay, Daddy." Then he leans over to Simon. "Just kinda ew, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Simon smiles. "Is that all, Da?"

Jonny Lee wonders if he could just sink into the couch. "Well, we haven't gotten to where babies come from," he says, weak grin.

"Oh, we know that," Simon says.

"Yeah," Sean adds, "from when you and Daddy told us about Aunt Julie being our real mother. She gave us this book that 'splained it."

"There's also the how-to." Gerard smiles, and leans in close to Jonny Lee. "Gross 'em out and they'll never do it."

"Oh, right, traumatize our sons for the rest of their lives." Jonny Lee allows for a quick kiss, on the cheek. "You're evil. I know. It's why I love you." He smiles. "Just give 'em the abstinence speech. And maybe the being gay is normal one."

"You mean a reprise of the one I gave 'em on different families?" Gerard reaches around and plays with the ends of Jonny Lee's hair. He looks sternly at the boys. "Sex can be a lot of fun. Neither of you are allowed to do it until you're old enough to drive."

"That's like 18," Sean says. "You wait till you were 18?"

"Or is this one of those do as I say, not as I did?" Simon asks. "'Cause that'd be unfair, Daddy. Not," he goes on quickly, "not that we want to have sex. Because we don't. Tell 'im, Sean."

"No, we don't. We're just 10. We don't wanna do yucky stuff like that." Sean's smiling, the grin that means he's being sincere.

"Life's not fair, Sean, Simon," Jonny Lee says, unconsciously leaning more into Gerard's touches. "And this is one of those 'do as we say' times."

"Figured." Simon says. "And it's icky. Don't see why we'd want to do it."

Gerard smiles. "I'm overjoyed you feel that way."

The rest of the conversation goes better than Jonny Lee expects. The boys listen, not always patiently, but he understands that. He'd rather be playing video games, too. By then, it's getting close to the boys' bedtime. Jonny Lee nudges Gerard, who's gotten into a one-on-one with Simon. "Think we should get them to bed, Pire. It's getting late."

"Nah, it's not," Sean protests. "This is 'portant stuff."

Jonny Lee laughs. "You just want to stay up."

"Well, yeah." Sean pokes Simon. "C'mon, we don't need to go to bed early as usual. We're almost 10."

"But still almost." Gerard smiles. This really hadn't been the nightmare he'd thought it'd be. "Your father and I will renegotiate when you're actually ten. Now it's time for bed."

"Renegotiate." Sean's snarling, as only a 9-year-old can, as he pulls himself off the floor.

"Suppose you'll stop tucking us in then, too," Simon murmurs, " 'cause we'll be big boys."

Gerry looks at Jonny Lee and sighs. "You field this one. I'll be digging out Peter Pan."

"Oh, thanks." Jonny Lee shakes his head as Gerard gets up from the couch. He comes off himself and bends down, scooping Simon up into his arms. Thankfully, the boy's not had that pre-puberty growth spurt and he's still huggable. "As long as you want to be tucked in, we'll be there to do it, Simon." He drops a kiss on his son's forehead. "S'up to you and Sean to decide when you're too big for that."

"Never, Da," Simon says, nuzzling into Jonny Lee's neck.

Somehow Jonny Lee can still do this. When Gerard tries to pick up his sons, it goes wrong and awkward. He looks at Sean. "It makes my day, when I tuck you in," he says quietly.

"I know, Daddy," Sean says, not sounding patronizing like it might. "I like being tucked in. Not picked up, though, so don't worry. That's Simon's thing."

"Yeah, I like it." Simon wraps his legs around his father's waist.

Jonny Lee holds Simon close as he walks toward the stairs. "C'mon, both of you. Up to bed." He puts Simon down. He has a limit to what he'll do for his sons and carrying an 80-pound boy up a flight of stairs is past them most nights. "Brush your teeth. We're right behind you."


End file.
